German Christmas Markets are Wicked-Fun

Real misteltoe

The holidays can be a rough time for expats like myself. This is one time of year when the miles between you and home seem extra-long, the nights feel extra dark and the crispy wind feel extra cold. Here in Germany, however, there is something which happens around this time that is so awesome it can make even the home-sickiest expat forget they’re missing home.

Of course I’m talking about traditional German Christmas markets!!!

In Germany, Christmas is called “Weihnachten” or “hallowed nights” and the incredible markets that spring up all across the country near Christmas-time are called “Weihnachstmarkts”.

Weihnachtsmarkts are AWESOME.

I’ll try and describe the one in Hamburg. First, think of a midway at a Fall Fair or the CNE, now replace the carnies with normal people and the cotton candy with warm, roasted nuts. Replace the soda-pop and Slurpees with hot spiced wine and cold beer. Replace the rigged games and made-in-Taiwan prizes with friendly local vendors selling hand-made candles and Fair Trade scarves, painstakingly carved wooden decorations and tiny alpine chalets that double as incense burners. Finally, trade in the rickety Tilt-O-Whirl blasting Ace of Bass and the smell of burning gears with a 1940’s-era carousel and the smell of cookies and cinnamon. Getting the picture?

At a good Christmas market, you can almost feel the magic of the Christmas spirit creeping into your cold, cold heart. Or is that just the Gluhwein? Let’s stop right here for a minute and talk about Gluhwein**.

**Wikipedia says: Gluhwein is a traditional winter beverage (dating back to the year 1420) prepared from red wine, heated and spiced with cinnamon sticks, cloves, star aniseed, citrus, sugar and at times vanilla pods. It is sometimes drunk mit Schuss (with a shot).

Gluhwein in the big glass things

Gluhwein, especially “Mit Schuss” is wonderful. It keeps you oh-so-warm as you meander the corridors of a Christmas market, and it also gets you HELLA-DRUNK if you have more than two. Nearly everyone at the Christmas market is rosy-cheeked and smiling and half-tanked on Gluhwein – it’s a beautiful thing.

If you don’t buy into the commercialization of holidays, like to support local artisans and bakers, and generally want to feel some Christmas magic, I suggest you visit Germany in December and get your ass to a Weihnachtsmarkt. Have some Gluhwein, eat some Schmalzgebäck (think Tiny Tom donuts at wonderland, only more irregular in shape) and buy some incredible, traditional, one-of a kind gifts. I guarantee that 
you will have a blast.

*AND* If you’re REALLY lucky, you might even get to see “Der Weihnachtsmann” (Santa).

"Old Pan" goes to Berlin

Even as a person who comes from a large city (Toronto) and still lives in a fairly big one (Hamburg), I find Berlin to be somewhat daunting. It’s not spotless or beautiful. It lacks tall buildings to lend a skyline or easy points of reference for orientation. It’s got a train map with so many lines it looks like the veins on my grandmother’s legs and the construction going on is so profound that it’s really hard to imagine what anything looks like without pylons, cranes and scaffolding everywhere.

I think anyone will agree with me though, when I say that what Berlin lacks in superficial grace is made up for in history and soul…. Oh, and street art! 

I have a friend here in Germany who recently took a job and a furnished apartment in the heart of Berlin. Last weekend I decided to take a train to visit her. Berlin can be reached from Hamburg in less than two hours via Deutsche Bahn’s ICE (inter-city express) trains. I scored an awesome deal and paid just 25€ each way, but apparently last-minute offerings of around 27-29€ are not uncommon. Despite their relatively close proximity to one-another (close at least in the mind of a Canadian), Hamburg and Berlin could hardly be more different.

The faces in Berlin are a bit more colorful, the gypsy population a bit more visible, the clothes a bit funkier and English can be heard more frequently on the streets.  

If Hamburg is a city of classic homogeneity, Berlin is one of juxtaposition and funky-mod chaos.

Everything I ate in Berlin was reasonably priced or even cheap in comparison with other German cities I’ve visited. The large number of immigrants means more variety. I found the cocktails to be delicious everywhere and naturally we went to see the typical tourist draws like the Brandenburg Gate and the Dom (big church). If you’re planning to visit, make sure you also check out the East Side Gallery, which is where about a kilometer of the mural-bedecked Berlin wall has been left standing. There are several areas in the city where, on the weekend, little flea markets pop up and you can get some crazy things from the past (like wartime documents, passports, photographs and old money), original art and vintage clothing and jewelry… all for a steal.

In the evening I would recommend heading to Ostkreuz, which is another transit hub in East Berlin (the formerly Soviet-controlled area). Here you’ll find a lot of great cocktail bars with a mature-but-not-too-old clientele and a mildly hipster vibe. Again, tasty food is in no short supply. We found an Italian place in this district where meals for 2 people, plus a salad to share and two beers cost €14 (CAN $19.50).

If you feel like taking the party up a notch after bouncing through the Ostrkreuz cocktail bar area, head on over to Ritter Butzke. 

One of Berlin’s more well-known night clubs, this place opens at midnight – which I think is good indication of the type of party you’ll find here. Three rooms play different varieties of house music and all three have great atmospheres. Germans tend to like really minimal house (no build, no drop, just monotonous beats and the occasional random vocal sample), which is played in the largest room. I don’t like it much but that’s just my preference. I found the music in the other two rooms just fine.

A lot of people in here are on drugs and are chewing madly on nothing, but after my many years of raving in Toronto that doesn’t frighten me… and it shouldn’t frighten you either. People on ecstasy or MDMA are always friendlier than sober or just drunk people. We met some really nice Swiss guys who bought us several rounds of drinks (something rare in Germany) and I was hit on by a 22 year-old who, after asking my age, quoted an old German saying that goes:

“If you want to learn how to cook, you need to use an old pan.”

I didn’t teach him how to cook that night, but I had a great time in Berlin and I’ll be going back soon.

Deciphering Deutschland: Language WTF?!

Silly verbs, vol. 1

Verbs!

There’s saying that goes: “If you want to know what a German is talking about, you have to wait until he’s finished.”

After living in this magical land of beer and schnitzel for about a year and half, I can verify the validity of this statement. The German language is a genuine clusterf*#% of rules and grammatical formulas that are incredibly puzzling to most native English speakers … and speakers of many other languages, for that matter. I’m currently trying to learn it and yeah, wow.

OK. So, let’s try to understand why the above statement is true.

In English, the placement of the verb/verbs in a sentence isn’t super important. Sure they sound really dumb in some spots, but it’s generally flexible.

*in case you forgot, a verb is an ‘action’ word i.e walk, run, talk, jump etc.

In English you can say: I had a wild party last night and my neighbor called the police.

Or you can say: Last night I had a wild party and my neighbor called the police.

See how ‘had’ moved there? First it was the second thing in the sentence (after 'I'), then it was third (after ‘last night’ and I) No problem, right? And see how ‘called’ is 3^rd from the end? Why, that’s the perfect spot for that verb! Looks great there, doesn’t it?

Not if you’re a German.

In a typical German sentence, the verb MUST be the 2^nd thing in the sentence. If there is another verb, it goes at the end. Wünderbar!

In German you can say: Ich hatte letzte nacht ein verrückte Party und mein Nachbar hat die Polizisten angerufuen.   

Or you can say: Letzte nacht hatte ich eine verrückte Party und mein Nachbar hat die Polizisten angerufen.                  

 *note that nouns are ALL capitalized. WTF?

See how ‘hatte’ (had) did not move? First, it was the second thing in the sentence (after I), then it was second again after ‘letzte nacht’(last night). And see how ‘angerufen’ (called) is right at the end in both?

Verbs are like the kings of the German sentence, the rest of the words will just arrange themselves around these stubborn jerks and bask in their sunshine. The one at the end is really infuriating because no matter how many details you add to that sentence, it DOES NOT MOVE.

For example: Ich hatte letzte nacht eine verucktes party mit zehn rote hunde und zwei scwarze Eisbären und mein Nachbar hat, wegen den Lärm die Polizei angerufen.

LITERAL TRANSLATION!!!!!: I had last night a crazy party with ten red dogs and two black Polar Bears and my neighbor, because of the noise, the police called.

AHA! Proof! Just look at that bloody sentence! You actually don’t know what the heck is going on until it’s well and truly over. 

Oy Veh.