Liquor and planes: a song of ice cubes and bad decisions

Many of us like to celebrate the miracle of flight with a bevvy or two. I’m no stranger to airport cocktails or even to having more than one glass of white with my inflight meal. It’s perfectly acceptable. But in the end, there really should be a line that we draw for our own well-being and for the sake of the other passengers and crew we travel with.

Here’s a fun list of incidents from 2014 to remind us all why we should try and keep our inflight drink count in the single digits.

July, 2014

But first, let me take an illegal selfie….

Lee Jezard

Ok, so this picture (left) used by The Telegraph to illustrate the ballad of little Lee Jezard was clearly not snapped during his infamous ordeal. However, I do firmly believe that if this was the guy’s passport photo, security at Birmingham airport may have kept a closer eye on him after he showed up drunk and missed his plane to the party island of Ibiza.

Jezard didn’t get too bummed about missing his plane since he was issued a ticket for the very next day.

This is how Jezard got past security

While most of us would probably have gotten a room at the airport and waited for morning, this happy fellow went instead for a nightcap at the airport bar and got, in his own words, “ absolutely slaughtered”. Then, in what I can only presume was a “drunken stupor” (Toronto residents will get that one), he proceeded to climb onto the luggage belt at a closed check-in counter, follow it into a “secure” area, and board an empty aircraft.

Jezard was eventually apprehended by a cleaner on the plane and arrested for his efforts.

"It's a good job I am not a terrorist,” he said.

Read more here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/transport/10990866/Drunk-passenger-sneaks-onto-empty-plane-after-missing-flight.html

This is an actual picture of the ladies
leaving their bail hearing

August, 2014

This one is close to my heart because it happened on a flight from my home-town. It does a good job reinforcing the virtues of restraint and composure whilst travelling.

On a Sunwing Airlines flight from Toronto to Cuba, two Ontario women of Polish descent decided that four hours was far too long a wait and opted to get their vacation started on the aircraft. First the rebellious little vixens opened up their duty free liquor purchases and got smashed. Then, since nothing chases a neat drink better than a ciggy, they went into the bathroom together and lit one up. This triggered the smoke alarm and a brief physical altercation ensued.

Nobody on Sunwing flight 656 made it to Cuba that day because the plane was promptly escorted back to Pearson by two CF-18 fighter jets.

Sunwing defends fighter-jet thing as standard protocol, but I’m more inclined to label the move as overkill. This scenario is like that time when a certain Mayor of Toronto called in the military after a certain snowstorm….

Read more here: http://globalnews.ca/news/1530975/flight-to-cuba-forced-to-return-to-toronto-after-disruptive-behaviour-by-passengers/

July, 2014

Artist's (my) rendering of how
some people see airline trolleys

Kevin Lee Mosele, a 20 year-old from Maui had to be restrained by British Airways crew on a flight headed to LAX.

One flight attendant reported that the young passenger had bloodshot eyes and “seemed to be intoxicated”. Maybe it was the eyes that tipped them off to his altered state, or maybe the smell of alcohol on his breath. More likely, it was pile of empty mini-bottles that he was allegedly sitting in.

Huffington Post reports that after tearing up a warning note form the pilot, Mosele was heard to say to a flight attendant “I bet I can open the door.” When she didn’t respond, he added “Is that a challenge? I bet I can do it.”

Apparently this guy also mocked, cursed and spat at people in addition to uttering a death threat. He got charged with “interfering with a flight crew” and could now face up to 20 years in jail.

How can a person from Maui be so angry? YOU LIVE BY THE BEACH.

Read more here:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/kevin-lee-mosele-disruption-british-airways_n_5597518.html

More drunken gems for your reading pleasure!

http://mashable.com/2014/09/29/modern-family-editor-live-tweets-plane-passengers-drunken-meltdown/

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/travel/news/2005-11-28-flight-diverted_x.htm

BONUS MATERIAL! Shit-faced crew: new lows at great heights!

http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/07/21/1090089223414.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/America_West_Airlines_Flight_556

Drink (and fly) responsibly friends xxoo

Deciphering Deutschland: Language WTF?!

Silly verbs, vol. 1

Verbs!

There’s saying that goes: “If you want to know what a German is talking about, you have to wait until he’s finished.”

After living in this magical land of beer and schnitzel for about a year and half, I can verify the validity of this statement. The German language is a genuine clusterf*#% of rules and grammatical formulas that are incredibly puzzling to most native English speakers … and speakers of many other languages, for that matter. I’m currently trying to learn it and yeah, wow.

OK. So, let’s try to understand why the above statement is true.

In English, the placement of the verb/verbs in a sentence isn’t super important. Sure they sound really dumb in some spots, but it’s generally flexible.

*in case you forgot, a verb is an ‘action’ word i.e walk, run, talk, jump etc.

In English you can say: I had a wild party last night and my neighbor called the police.

Or you can say: Last night I had a wild party and my neighbor called the police.

See how ‘had’ moved there? First it was the second thing in the sentence (after 'I'), then it was third (after ‘last night’ and I) No problem, right? And see how ‘called’ is 3^rd from the end? Why, that’s the perfect spot for that verb! Looks great there, doesn’t it?

Not if you’re a German.

In a typical German sentence, the verb MUST be the 2^nd thing in the sentence. If there is another verb, it goes at the end. Wünderbar!

In German you can say: Ich hatte letzte nacht ein verrückte Party und mein Nachbar hat die Polizisten angerufuen.   

Or you can say: Letzte nacht hatte ich eine verrückte Party und mein Nachbar hat die Polizisten angerufen.                  

 *note that nouns are ALL capitalized. WTF?

See how ‘hatte’ (had) did not move? First, it was the second thing in the sentence (after I), then it was second again after ‘letzte nacht’(last night). And see how ‘angerufen’ (called) is right at the end in both?

Verbs are like the kings of the German sentence, the rest of the words will just arrange themselves around these stubborn jerks and bask in their sunshine. The one at the end is really infuriating because no matter how many details you add to that sentence, it DOES NOT MOVE.

For example: Ich hatte letzte nacht eine verucktes party mit zehn rote hunde und zwei scwarze Eisbären und mein Nachbar hat, wegen den Lärm die Polizei angerufen.

LITERAL TRANSLATION!!!!!: I had last night a crazy party with ten red dogs and two black Polar Bears and my neighbor, because of the noise, the police called.

AHA! Proof! Just look at that bloody sentence! You actually don’t know what the heck is going on until it’s well and truly over. 

Oy Veh.