Friday, November 21, 2014

Deciphering Deutschland: Language WTF?!



Silly verbs, vol. 1

Verbs!
There’s saying that goes: “If you want to know what a German is talking about, you have to wait until he’s finished.”

After living in this magical land of beer and schnitzel for about a year and half, I can verify the validity of this statement. The German language is a genuine clusterf*#% of rules and grammatical formulas that are incredibly puzzling to most native English speakers … and speakers of many other languages, for that matter. I’m currently trying to learn it and yeah, wow.

OK. So, let’s try to understand why the above statement is true.

In English, the placement of the verb/verbs in a sentence isn’t super important. Sure they sound really dumb in some spots, but it’s generally flexible.
*in case you forgot, a verb is an ‘action’ word i.e walk, run, talk, jump etc.

In English you can say: I had a wild party last night and my neighbor called the police.
Or you can say: Last night I had a wild party and my neighbor called the police.

See how ‘had’ moved there? First it was the second thing in the sentence (after 'I'), then it was third (after ‘last night’ and I) No problem, right? And see how ‘called’ is 3rd from the end? Why, that’s the perfect spot for that verb! Looks great there, doesn’t it?

Not if you’re a German.

In a typical German sentence, the verb MUST be the 2nd thing in the sentence. If there is another verb, it goes at the end. Wünderbar!

In German you can say: Ich hatte letzte nacht ein verrückte Party und mein Nachbar hat die Polizisten angerufuen.   
Or you can say: Letzte nacht hatte ich eine verrückte Party und mein Nachbar hat die Polizisten angerufen.                  
 *note that nouns are ALL capitalized. WTF?

See how ‘hatte’ (had) did not move? First, it was the second thing in the sentence (after I), then it was second again after ‘letzte nacht’(last night). And see how ‘angerufen’ (called) is right at the end in both?

Verbs are like the kings of the German sentence, the rest of the words will just arrange themselves around these stubborn jerks and bask in their sunshine. The one at the end is really infuriating because no matter how many details you add to that sentence, it DOES NOT MOVE.

For example: Ich hatte letzte nacht eine verucktes party mit zehn rote hunde und zwei scwarze Eisbären und mein Nachbar hat, wegen den Lärm die Polizei angerufen.

LITERAL TRANSLATION!!!!!: I had last night a crazy party with ten red dogs and two black Polar Bears and my neighbor, because of the noise, the police called.

AHA! Proof! Just look at that bloody sentence! You actually don’t know what the heck is going on until it’s well and truly over. 


Oy Veh.

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